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karl long hair
Title: Doctor-Patient Privilege
Author: therumjournals
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 6,455
Description: Jim Kirk is no longer a government employee. And as of yesterday, Dr. Leonard McCoy is no longer a therapist. This is the third installment of the Therapy AU.
Part 1: Establishing Rapport
Part 2: A Therapeutic Relationship
Warning: Mention of suicide
A/N: I know, it’s been a while! Please let me know what you think of this one!



“Jim, I seriously might throw up on you.”
“Yeah, I know. You’ve mentioned that about nine hundred times since yesterday.”
“Sorry.”
“You’re going to be fine, Bones. You can stop gripping the armrest like it’s your job.”
“Well, it’s not like I have another goddamn job.”
“Bones, we haven’t even started moving yet. The plane isn’t even half full.” Jim tried to pull McCoy’s hand off the armrest between their seats. “Ew, your knuckles are turning all white. Come on, let go.” McCoy relaxed his grip infinitesimally, and Jim threaded their fingers together. “There, isn’t that better?”
“No.”
“Here. I got like five of these for you.” He handed Bones a stack of air sickness bags.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“Jim, is there a reason why you felt the need to get us every single pillow and blanket from the overhead compartments?”
“Shh! Don’t tell everyone! I just want you to be comfortable, that’s all.”
“That’s very sweet. I still might throw up on you.”
“I think you just like saying that now. Like a mantra. You find comfort in repetition.”
“I find comfort in not flying through the air in a metal tube.”
“Bones, it’s totally safe.”
“Is it? One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in 13 seconds.”
Jim gave him a look. “Bones, that is completely and totally not true. You seriously need to stop watching science fiction movies.”
There was a lurch and the plane started moving backwards. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh my god, Jim, oh my god…”
“Bones. We’re still on the ground. It’s like driving. Hey. Think you could stop crushing my hand a little? Seriously. Ow. Owwww. I think you broke something. Are you listening to me?”
Bones was squeezing his eyes shut and muttering a stream of curses under his breath. Jim reached over and flicked him in the ear.
“Ow! Jesus, Jim!”
“Bones. That’s probably the worst thing that’s going to happen to you this entire flight. Now will you please relax!”
“Jim, in case we die, I just want you to know that I love you.”
“And I thought I was the dramatic one in this relationship.”
“I guess it’s rubbed off on me.”
“Speaking of rubbing off on you…”
“Really, Jim? I’m suffering from acute aviaphobia right now and you’re thinking about your dick?”
“Yours, actually.”
“I hate you.”
“Isn’t that some kind of therapeutic technique for curing phobias? Distraction by orgasm?”
“Can’t say I’ve ever used that one.”
“What do you usually recommend to your patients?”
“I recommend that they don’t fly.”

***

“Hey Bones.”
McCoy lifted the edge of his sleeping mask and pulled off his ear phones. “What?”
“How are you doing?”
“I’m okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Feel better?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I feel okay.”
“Great. Stand up and clutch your stomach. Say you’re gonna be sick and then head for the bathroom.”
“What? Hell no.”
“Bones, come on. Then, I’ll go check on you…”
“First of all, if I stand up, I might actually be sick. Secondly, if you think I’m leaving the safety and comfort of this seat belt, you’re out of your effing mind.”
“Bones, you have that seatbelt on so tight I’m surprised you haven’t cut off circulation to your manly bits. In fact, maybe you have. Maybe I should give you a quick examination to make sure everything’s functioning correctly.”
“No.”
Jim licked his lips.
“Still no.”
Jim closed his eyes and arched back in his seat, pressing a palm against the zipper of his jeans.
“Fuck. I’m going to be sick.” Bones unfastened his seat belt and headed down the aisle, clutching his stomach.
Jim waited a minute and then followed, knocking on the door of the bathroom. “Hey. Hey man, are you okay?” There was a very convincing groan from inside. “Unlock the door.”
McCoy opened the door and yanked him inside.
“Oh thank god, I thought you might really be barfing in here.”
“Yeah, well, I guess you’re not the only one who can act. Remind me what I’m doing in here again?”
Jim pressed Bones up against the door to the bathroom and captured his mouth in a long, deep kiss. When he pulled back, Bones was flushed and a spark of lust had replaced the fear in his eyes. Jim glanced quickly around the tiny bathroom.
“Sit.”
“I’m not sitting on the toilet, that is disgusting.”
“Fine, the sink then.”
Bones rolled his eyes but hopped up onto the sink and didn’t protest as Jim unzippered his jeans.
“This is not the most comfortable I’ve ever…fuuuuuuuuuck, Jesus Christ!” Jim’s mouth was surrounding his cock and it was only Jim’s firm grip on his thighs that kept him from falling off the tiny shelf.
“God Jim, why the fuck….why does that feel so fucking good?”
Jim looked up at him. “Something about the air pressure, I think. Gets the blood flowing.”
“Uh huh.” Bones put a hand on Jim’s head and pushed him back down. Jim slurped greedily and bobbed his head a few times before taking Bones all the way in, sucking and swallowing around him. Bones writhed with pleasure, smacking his head hard against the soap dispenser in the process and immediately forgetting about the pain as Jim did something amazing with his tongue. He moaned, jerked his hips, and came hard against the back of Jim’s throat.
Jim stood, wiping a hand across his mouth, and grinned, then pressed a hard kiss against Bones’ lips as he slid shakily off the sink. “My turn?”
“Jim, uh….do you wanna…I mean, do you think you could…”
“Oh hell yeah.” Jim tore open his fly as Bones turned around to face the mirror, bracing his hands on either side of the sink. He could see Jim grinning behind him, saw him reach over his shoulder to pump the lotion dispenser, and then felt his cock pressing insistently against his entrance. Bones grunted as Jim pushed into him, unused to the feeling, but he was high on adrenaline as Jim rushed to fill him.
Bones watched Jim’s face in the mirror, entranced. “Jesus, Jim. ‘ve never seen you like this before. So fucking hot.”
Jim’s eyes were closed as he thrust into Bones. “Feels so good, Bones. Guhh…keep talking.”
“You look so good when you’re fucking me, Jim. So beautiful. So gorgeous when you're fucking me.”
“So tight, Bones…I don’t think I can….uhhh….I can’t…”
“Open your eyes, Jim.”
They locked eyes in the mirror, and the intensity of Jim’s wild blue gaze, hot with desire, stole McCoy’s breath away. Jim’s eyes slid closed again as he thrust frantically, pinning Bones hard against the sink as he shuddered and spilled inside of him. Jim kept his arm tight around Bones’ chest as they caught their breath, then he pulled out and leaned back against the bathroom wall with a thump. Bones’ legs shook as he straightened up, slowly fastening his fly.
Jim gave him a lazy half-smile. “I feel like I’m flying.”
“If flying felt like that, kid, I’d do it every fucking day.”
“Sometimes twice.”
Bones grunted in agreement and turned back toward the mirror, running a hand through his hair.
“Don’t bother, Bones. You look thoroughly fucked and everyone on this plane is gonna know it.” He opened the door and peeked out. “Coast is clear.”
“Thank Jesus.”
“Thank you, Jes-“
“Jim.”
“Sorry.”
The captain made an announcement as they took their seats.
“Shit.”
“What? What did he say?”
“Nothing Bones, don’t worry about it, just lean your head back and relax and think about the sex.”
“Jim, I swear to god, don’t fuck with me.”
“It’s nothing, Bones. He just said that we have to circle a couple times before we land. It’s totally normal.”
“I hate you.”
“The sex, Bones.”
“Fine, I don’t hate you. Is the plane tilting? I feel ill.”
“It’s okay, Bones. Just take a deep breath. You look a little pale.”
“Oh god.”
“Bones, if you need to barf, just use one of the barf baggies I got you. The baggies, Bones, where are the baggies?! Bones, don’t you dare, I swear, if you – BONES, AHHHH, FUCK!!!!!”


“I’m sorry, Jim.”
“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.” Jim ran his fingers through Bones’ sweaty hair and kissed him lightly on the temple.
“It’s not okay.”
“No, you’re right, it’s not. It’s absolutely disgusting.”
“Do you still love me?”
“I still love you, but…”
“But?”
“I might need therapy.”

***

“You just made a lot of ladies very jealous, Bones.” Jim smiled at him as they walked away from the backstage door.
“Jesus, Jim, you weren’t kidding about the groupies.”
“Told ya.”
“Did you really have to jump into my arms like that? Those girls must hate me.”
“Yes I did. And they can be a little possessive so…watch your back.”
“So…can I get your autograph?”
Jim bit his lip.
“Jim, I can see you thinking of a dirty response.”
“I’ve got, like, five of them. I’m trying to think which one is the best.”
“How about, ‘Bend over’.”
“Mmm-hmm, yeah, I was thinking more along the lines of, ‘I’ll autograph your face with my dick’.”
“Now that’s just crude.”
“How about, ‘You’ve already got my name tattooed on your heart’.”
“That’s sweet.”
“Or disturbing, depending on how you think about it.”
“I prefer sweet.”
“I know ya do, you big softy.” Jim slung arm around him and planted a wet kiss on his cheek.
“So, what do we do now?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what do you usually do after a show?”
“Well, usually I just invite one of the groupies back to my room, but obviously that’s out of the question.”
“Is it?”
Jim made a face at him. “Ew. Blech. I wouldn’t want to taint our lovemaking.”
“Right. ‘Cause it’s so pure as it is.”
“Pure awesome!”
“Come on, answer the question. What do you usually do?”
“I usually go back to the hotel and call you. Don’t roll your eyes, that used to be the best part of my day! But now that you’re here with me, we need to start a new post-show tradition.”
“Why do I feel like you have something in mind?”
Jim gave him a wicked grin and yanked him by the waistband, pulling him in for a long kiss. He leaned back, smirking, and Bones kissed him again, chasing Jim’s tongue with his own while he maneuvered them across the sidewalk. When they broke the kiss, Jim was pressed against the darkened window of a hardware store as Bones looked down at him lazily, hands resting lightly on his hips.
“Does this bother you, Bones?”
“Does what?”
“Kissing like this, on the street, in public.”
“What, kissing like this?” Bones laid a trail of light kisses across his jaw. “Or like this?” He captured Jim’s lips and their tongues tangled briefly before he pulled away.
“Uh huh.” Jim’s eyes were half closed and he’d completely forgotten what they were talking about.
Bones glanced up and down the deserted street. “Plus I wouldn’t exactly call this public, Jim. I figure so long as no one can see it’s you I’m kissing, my reputation’ll stay intact.”
“Bullshit. You want to proclaim our love to the world.”
“You’re damn right I do.” He nuzzled into Jim’s neck, pressing kisses against soft skin beneath his ear. “I want everyone to know that I’m yours.” Jim moaned as Bones pushed his knee in between his legs. He let Jim grind his erection into his thigh, squeezing his fingers harder into Jim’s hips to encourage him.
“Uhh, fuck, Bones, I’m gonna come in my pants if you let me keep this up.”
He felt Bones grin, and his voice was a sultry whisper in Jim’s ear. “Maybe that can be our new tradition.”

***

“Are you bored, Bones?”
“Not at all.”
“What do you even do when I’m not here?” He gestured to the hotel room that had been home for the past two weeks.
“I read.”
“What, psychology journals or something?”
“Hell no. Try psychological thrillers. And the occasional romance novel, of course.”
“Of course. The Pirate and the Baroness?”
“The Therapist and the Mental Case.”
“Ha. What else do you do? You can’t read all day.”
“Heaven forbid.”
“Seriously, come on. What else?”
“Drink bourbon. Watch daytime TV.”
“Wow. I can feel you getting dumber by the minute.”
“I should get to your level any day now.”
“Jerk.”
Bones grinned.
“So, you have no urge to, I don’t know, do something productive?”
“None at all.”
“Really? You don’t miss your job? You don’t miss talking to crazy people on a daily basis?”
“Jim, do you hear yourself? Are you really going to make it that easy for me?”
“Shut up.”
“What about you?
“What about me what?”
“Are you bored?”
“Nope.”
“Really? I mean, you recite the same freaking lines every single night.”
“Do you get bored of watching me?”
“Of watching you, no. When you’re not on the stage though…well, let’s just say I’ve gotten really good at Sudoku.”
“Bones! I am shocked! What disrespect for the theater!”
“Are we going to talk about disrespecting each other’s professions now?”
“Technically your current profession is getting trashed and watching Judge Judy.”
“And fucking the living daylights out of Jim Kirk.”
“You’re an expert in your field.”
“I think I need more professional development.”
“I can offer you some advanced training courses.”
“Blowjobs for Dummies?”
“Taking it Up the Ass 101?”
Bones growled playfully and tackled Jim and they wrestled around on neatly made bed, grappling and laughing and tugging at key pieces of clothing. Jim pinned Bones to the bed and straddled him, smiling, his shirt unbuttoned and his hair hanging over his eyes.
“I fucking love coming home to you, Bones.”
“And I fucking love it when you come home.”
“And I fucking love it when you come.”
“And I fucking love it when…guhhh...yeah...when you do that.” Jim had both of their zippers down and was sliding their cocks together. Jim licked a stripe down his palm and wrapped his hand around both of them.
“Jim…nghhhh….Jim…do you like acting?”
Jim arched his brow. “Um, yeah?” He ran his thumb around the head of Bones’ cock and over the leaking slit.
“Fffff, guh, good, because I am never going to work again.” He thrust hard into Jim’s fist and came with a groan. Jim pumped once into the slickness and followed, his dick pulsing as he came hard across Bones’ chest. He was panting as he looked down at Bones with a twinkle in his eye.
“Well, good. ‘Cause I can definitely picture this as your new permanent position.”

***

Jim flopped onto the bed beside Bones, holding a sheet of paper in his hand.
“Check it out, Bones. I got the schedule for the next few stops on the tour.”
“Oh yeah? Where are we going next?”
Jim grinned. “I love it when you say ‘we’.”
“Where, Jim?”
“Hold on, hold on. Next is...Charlotte, North Carolina.”
“How are we getting there?”
“Bus.”
Bones exhaled the breath he’d been holding.
“No flying, baby, don’t worry.”
“I wasn’t worried.”
“You looked like you were going to vomit on me right here on the bed.”
“Shush. Then where?”
“Bus again. Savannah. Hey, aren’t you from there?”
A pained look crossed Bones’ face.
“What?”
Bones shook his head. “Nothing, I just…I haven’t been back there in a while. Since my dad died.”
“Oh.” Jim bit his lip. “Do you, uh, do you still have family there?”
“Yeah. My mom.”
“Your mom lives there?! Oh my god, Bones, can I meet your mom?!” Jim’s eyes sparkled with excitement, but his expression turned serious as he watched Bones run a hand through his hair.
“I’m sorry, Bones. Shit, I didn’t even think - I guess that was a little presumptuous of me.”
Bones chuckled and shook his head. “Presumptuous, no, Jim, no, not at all. I would love for you to meet my mom, of course. I just…I haven’t seen her since right after my dad died and…there’s just…baggage.”
Jim pulled Bones into his arms and Bones went willingly, resting his head against Jim’s chest. “I’m sorry I never told you about my life.” His voice was almost a whisper.
“Shh, Bones, it’s okay. You’ve told me plenty.”
Bones shook his head. “Not the important stuff. Jesus, what’s wrong with me? I need to open up.”
“Hey Bones.”
“What?”
“Wanna play therapist?”
“….okay.”
“Really?”
Bones shrugged. “Why the hell not? You’re an actor. You’ll probably act like a better therapist than I ever was.”
“Okay, the first thing that Dr. Kirk would like to tell you is to stop being so goddamned self-deprecating. You’re a great therapist, and I’m not just saying that because you completely tossed your professional ethical code out the window just so you could get with me.”
Bones groaned and laughed at the same time. “Point taken, doc. Next?”
“So…how’d your dad die?”
Bones pulled back and looked at him with one eyebrow raised. “I think you’re supposed to ease me into it a bit, Jim.”
“Oh right, right. Look who knows sooooo much about psychology, sheesh. Okay, let’s see, let me draw on my years and years of schooling to develop my approach here. Okay, I got it. Tell me about your relationship with your mother.”
Bones laughed. “That’s great, Jim.”
“I learned from the best. Now, answer.”
“I always had a good relationship with my mom. We were…friends, I would say, even. She always encouraged me to go one step farther, to go for the next goal, even if I didn’t think I could do it. We used to sit around the kitchen table, or on the porch in the evenings, eating something she’d baked – my mom’s an amazing cook, by the way - and drinking some lemonade and talking about life. Fuck, I haven’t thought about that in forever.”
Jim tightened his embrace as Bones let the memories come flooding back. “That sounds nice.”
“Yeah.”
“What about your dad?”
Bones sat up a little in his arms. “My dad was a doctor, a family doctor. Smart, personable. Then, my second year in med school, something happened. A little girl died, a patient of his, he…misdiagnosed something, I’m not exactly sure what happened. He wouldn’t talk about it, not to my mom or anyone. He changed then, he kind of…lost his will, in a way. I was all set to pursue family medicine, follow in his footsteps, but as I watched him become more depressed and withdrawn, I started studying up on psychology and it just…drew me in, I guess. I – Jesus, Jim, why are you crying?”
Jim smiled and wiped at the tears that were threatening to fall. “Sorry, sorry. Professional therapists probably don’t cry in front of their patients, huh?”
“No, I just – I mean, shit, we haven’t even gotten to the sad part yet!”
Jim huffed out a laugh. “I just, I’m so happy that you’re telling me all this, Bones. I mean, I know you’re just talking and you probably don’t even know I’m here, but-“
“Jim.” Bones stopped him with a hand on his face. “I’m telling you things that I want you to know. This…this is me, this is a part of me, and I want you to know it, okay? I’m not telling my fake therapist-“
“Dr. Kirk.”
“I’m not telling Dr. Kirk this, Jim. I’m telling you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too. Can I finish the story now?”
“Can I continue to use the character of Dr. Kirk to mask my true emotions?”
“You don’t seem to be doing a very good job at that.”
“Fuck you.”
“Very professional.”
“Please, Leonard, continue. I feel like we’re really starting to get somewhere.”
“Where was I?”
“Learning psychology. Your dad’s depressed.”
“Right. Well, so I pursued psychology, obviously, and as I went through school and started my residency, my dad’s mental state got worse and worse. He all but quit his practice, and spent most of his time in front of the TV when he managed to get out of bed. Finally, my mom called me and asked me to come and talk to him. I was – god, Jim, you wouldn’t have recognized me, I was so cocky and sure of myself, sure that whatever was going on, I could use my superior therapy skills to get him out of it. Hell, I’d already used them on, like, three whole patients! I went and talked to my dad, I used every technique in the book, I got him on anti-depressants and made my mom promise to make him take them. And he seemed to come around, too, for a little while. He took me out to celebrate when I finished my residency. Out drinking at this old bar that had always been one of his favorites…”
Bones trailed off. Jim braced himself.
“Two days later, he…killed himself.”
Jim couldn’t help the gasp that escaped.
“Nothing too traumatic, thank god, just an overdose.”
“Fuck Bones, that’s still pretty fucking traumatic.”
“Yeah. I’ve just…I’ve had to figure out ways to make it better, in my mind, you know, and that’s one of them. At least my mom didn’t have to see something terrible, just found him lying in bed… Anyway, when it happened, I … I don’t know, I just couldn’t believe that my techniques, my revered therapy techniques, had failed me. And when my mom looked at me, after, I just knew that’s what she was thinking, too. She had been counting on me to pull him out of it. And I couldn’t.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Bones.”
“I know that. Objectively.” He ran a hand over his eyes. “Knowing something doesn’t necessarily make understanding it any easier though. Or living with it.”
“Um…what would…what would I say now, if I were a therapist?” Jim’s voice was almost a whisper.
Bones smiled. “You’d probably say I never took the time to properly grieve because I was too busy blaming myself. Then you’d tell me to keep a journal.”
Jim nodded. “I think I’ll just cry a little and hug you instead.”
“Fine by me.”


“I thought of something, Jim.”
“Tell me.”
“That day…the day I took off work, remember? That was the sixth anniversary of my dad’s death. I called my mom and I just – I just couldn’t face work that day. But if my dad hadn’t died…I wouldn’t have taken that day off from work. And you wouldn’t have come looking for me the next day. And we’d never have had dinner-“
“And made out.”
“And made out.”
“And then there was the blowjob…”
“Jim, are you going to recount our entire sexual history?”
“Just the good bits.”
“And you would never have fallen in love with me.”
Jim smiled and shook his head. “Not true. I was already in love with you. And you were already in love with me.”
“I was not.”
“In lust?”
“Nope.”
“Intrigued?”
“I may have been a bit intrigued.”
“Are you still intrigued?”
“More than ever.”
“Can I intrigue you right now over that couch?”
“Can you stop saying intrigued? I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore.”
“Let me cut to the chase. Cuddling is great, but we’re going to need ridiculous amounts of sex to make up for this heavy shit.”
“I think you’re right.”
“And possibly a romantic comedy or two.”
“Which do you want first?”
“I was thinking a maybe blowjob midway through You’ve Got Mail for starters.”
Bones scrambled off the bed and headed for the VCR.

***

“Bones. Bones! Boooooones!” Jim plucked one of the earbuds out of McCoy’s ear.
“What?”
“Hi Grumpy.”
“Hi Perky. What do you want?”
“I want you to pay attention to me. What do you think of the bus?”
“It’s fine. Can I have my headphones back?”
“I don’t like these. They allow you to exist in a world without me.”
“Can you imagine such a place?”
“Must be terrible.”
“Don’t you need a nap or something? Isn’t the peaceful hum of the bus engine lulling you to sleep?”
“I had five cups of coffee this morning.”
“I need to keep a better eye on you.”
“Let’s play a game.”
“Oh lord. Here we go.”
“I’m going to Charlotte, and I’m bringing anal lubricant. What? Why are you hitting your head against the window like that?”

***

“What are you doin’ tonight, Bones?”
“Um, coming to your play?”
“Seriously? Haven’t you seen it like, eighteen times?”
“Nineteen. What’s your point?”
“Aren’t you sick of it?”
“Nope.”
“You totally sit in the back reciting my lines along with me, don’t you?”
’This is my fucking life you’re toying with!’
“Wow. That’s good. That’s, like, better than me. You should audition.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Wouldn’t want to steal the spotlight from you.”
“Ha. As if.”
“I’m quite happy with my role in the audience, thank you very much.”
“Good, ‘cause I need you out there, Bones. You’re my inspiration.”
“You’re a cheeseball.”
“I’m dedicating tonight’s performance to you.”
“Oh yeah? And what exactly does that entail?”
“It entails me thinking about you while I jerk off in the shower today.”
“Uh huh. Who was last night’s for?”
“Abraham Lincoln.”
“You have severe issues, you know that?”
“I’ve been told.”

***

“You’re playing this time.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes you are. I’m going to Savannah and I’m bringing anal lube.”
“No.”
“Yes, I am. It’s in my bag. I’ll show you.”
“Goddammit. I’m going to Savannah and I’m bringing anal lube and…a ball gag.”
“Oooh, kinky.”
“Anything to shut you up.”
“I heard that. I’m going to Savannah, and I’m bringing anal lube, a ball gag, and candy corn.”
“Candy corn?! Why are you bringing – never mind, okay, I’m bringing anal lube, a ball gag, candy corn, and a dildo. Fuck, Jim, we’re going to be staying with my mom, I can’t play this game!”
“It’s a game, Bones. I didn’t really bring candy corn.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Can we skip ahead? I’ve got a really great one for N.”
“It’s nipple clamps, isn’t it?”
“Damn. You’re good.”

***

“I love this house, Bones.” They were sitting sideways on the porch swing, Bones leaning back against Jim’s warm chest. “I love this house, and I love your mom. And your mom loves you. Not sure she’s too keen on me, though.”
“Sure she is.”
“Oh yeah, I’m sure she was always hoping you’d end up with a young mental patient.”
“You’re not a mental patient, Jim. And you’re not that young either.”
“Hey now. Please let me keep the illusion alive.”
“She likes you, Jim.”
“How do you know?”
“She told me.”
“What did she say?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Bones! Come on! Tell me. Tell me about how she likes me.”
“Your favorite subject.”
“What did she say? Exactly.”
“Exactly? She said, ‘Leonard, that Jim sure seems like a nice boy. Looks at you like you’re his moon and stars. Think you’re going to be with him for a while?’”
“You sound just like her! What did you say?”
“I said, ‘Mama, would it change your opinion if you knew he was a wanted fugitive in fifteen states?’”
Jim smacked him lazily on the chest. “You did not.”
“I said, ‘Mama, remember eight months ago when you called me and I talked to you for an hour and you said it had been years since you’d heard me in such a good mood? Well, that was because earlier that day, Jim Kirk had walked into my office for the first time.’ I said, ‘Remember five years ago when I told you I was driving through Riverside, and I saw that old brick building, and I thought to myself ‘That is where I want to set up my practice.’ Well, I think that was fate, telling me that one day Jim Kirk would show up there and change my life forever. So yeah, Mama, I think I’m going to be with him for as long as he’ll have me.’”
“Jesus, Bones, you fucking sap.”
“Jim, can you stop squeezing me so hard?”
“I don’t think so.”


“What about you, Jim? Your parents. I spilled my guts to you in Richmond and you never returned the favor.”
“You never asked.”
“You distracted me with romantic comedies and mind-blowing orgasms.”
“Any chance of that working again right now?”
“Jim! We’re at my mom’s house!”
“Fine. Just, we might need to get a hotel after this one. It’s about as uplifting as yours. My dad died the day I was born.”
“Jesus.”
“Car accident on the way to the hospital. I was born in the ambulance. Maybe that’s why I like doctors.” He gave Bones a squeeze.
“What about your mom?”
“She’s nothing like yours.”
“Tell me.”
“She worked a lot. Shit jobs when I was younger, went to school at night. Heated up my frozen dinners and went to night classes while I stayed home and watched TV.”
“Wait.”
“What?”
“This isn’t right. Switch places with me.” Bones stood up and slid onto the swing behind Jim, wrapping his arms around him. He pressed a kiss into Jim’s air. “Okay, that’s better. Continue.”
Jim shrugged against his chest. “Not much else to say, really. She re-married when I was twelve and most of her focus was on her new husband and her new career. Every few days she’d remember my existence, ask me how I did on a test, and then forget about me again. Nothing terrible, just…it wasn’t eating cookies and drinking lemonade on the porch, like you had.” Bones pushed his foot against the boards of the porch and set the swing into a slow rocking motion. Jim settled further into his chest.
“Thanks for telling me.”
“’Course. Hey. If I’d told you all this when I was your patient, do you think you’d have figured out more about me? Ya know…psychological stuff?”
“I suppose.”
“Are you psychoanalyzing me right now?”
“Only a little.”
“So tell me.”
“What?”
“Tell me, what does it say about me, how has my past led me to where I am today?”
“Alright, let’s see… Well for one thing, you spent a lot of time alone when you were a child.”
“Yeah.”
“And that of course led to the stack of Playboys under your bed when you were a teenager, which in turn led directly to you becoming the horny bastard that you are today.”
“I only had them for the articles.”
“Uh huh, and I only hang out with you for the cuddles.”
“You love my cuddles. What else?”
“Bet you had quite a little rebellious streak.”
“Yeah, I did. Dyed my hair black, lip ring, the works.”
“Mmm. Can’t decide if I’m glad I missed that phase or a little jealous.”
“You wouldn’t have looked twice at me.”
“Oh, I would’ve looked, I’m pretty sure. Would have looked, would have jerked off thinking about you in my bedroom, would have plunged into a fit of self-loathing, and spent the rest of the night reading medical journals.”
“I would’ve looked at you too.”
“Yeah, right.”
“No, really. I always had a thing for the studious ones. I would have stared at you creepily from afar, then I would have gone home, written emo poems about the untold depths of your soul, and burned them.”
“Wow, that’s…creepy.”
“I’m over that phase now.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Now I keep the poems.”
Bones laughed and ran his fingers lightly up Jim’s sides until he squirmed. Jim grabbed hold of his hands and pressed back against him.
“Whoa, Bones, what’s going on down there? Exactly which part of my miserable life story gave you a hard-on?”
“It was the lip ring, I think.”
“Yeah? You like that image?”
“Yeah.” Bones was breathing a little heavily and there was a gleam in his eye when Jim looked back at him.
“It was right here,” he said, running his tongue along his lower lip. “You can still see the scar.”
Bones growled and pulled Jim’s lower lip in between his teeth. Jim kissed him roughly, then whispered against his cheek. “Bet it would feel real hot sliding along your dick.”
Bones made a strangled sound in the back of his throat and fisted his hands in Jim’s hair as their lips and tongues clashed in a passionate kiss. Jim made a move to turn around, but Bones stilled him with a strong hand on his hip and a hiss in his ear. “Fuck, Jim. My mom’s house!”
“She’s been asleep for hours, Bones. I can be quiet, I swear.” He slid Bones’ hand from his hip to his groin, tipped his head back to nip at his stubbled jaw.
“You’re an evil temptress, Jim Kirk.” His voice was a rough whisper in Jim’s ear.
“You want me.”
“Yeah I do. So fucking bad, Jim.” He shoved his hand into the pocket of Jim’s jeans, pulled out a packet of lube between two fingers. “Knew you’d have this in there, you horny bastard.”
“Fuck, Bones.” Jim was writhing with desire, torn between grinding his ass against Bones’ hardness and thrusting his own straining erection into the palm that pressed against it. “What are you gonna do with that?”
“I was thinking about fucking you right now on this porch swing.”
“Nghh, fuck. What about-?”
“Shh. Thought you said you could be quiet.” He ran his fingers over Jim’s lips until they parted, then slid his middle finger in, letting him lick and suck at it as he pushed Jim’s jeans and boxers down over his hips. Then he pulled his finger out, whispered “shhh,” and reached down to dip his finger into the cleft of Jim’s ass. Jim bit his lip to keep from moaning as he arched up, giving Bones access to his tight entrance. Jim clenched involuntarily as Bones breached him, and Bones whispered soothingly into his ear.
“Relax, Jim, I got you. So fucking tight, so hot.” He slid his finger out, coated two fingers in lube, and pressed them into Jim. Jim squeezed his eyes shut and reached back to wrap his arm around Bones’ neck, shifting against him as Bones twisted his fingers. He slid them out, then in again, pumping at Jim’s hole as his feet scrabbled for purchase on the bench of the swing.
“Bones, guh, come on.” He turned his head and kissed frantically at Bones’ cheek and jaw and wherever he could reach, until Bones turned and kissed him sloppily, working three fingers inside of him. Finally, Bones pulled his fingers out, and Jim held himself up as Bones unzipped his fly and slicked his cock with the lube.
“Okay.” Bones gripped his cock as Jim shifted and lowered himself onto it slowly. A drop of sweat made its way down his temple as he slid down, inch by inch, until Bones was all the way inside, moaning as Jim’s tight heat surrounded him. Jim leaned back against his chest, waiting, then Bones tugged gently on his hips and he moved, pushing himself up and letting Bones thrust into him as he pressed back down. They got a rhythm going, the angle awkward and a little painful, but Bones was hitting his prostate with every thrust and that was more than enough to keep Jim going. They were slick with sweat, panting, caught up in each other as they fucked like it was the first time, or maybe the last.
Bones wrapped his arms around Jim and held him tightly as he thrust into him frantically, his breath coming in short, harsh grunts. He pressed distracted kisses along Jim’s neck and squeezed his eyes shut as he felt Jim clenching around him, getting close. He slipped a hand over Jim’s mouth to keep him from crying out, and bit down hard on Jim’s shoulder as he came. He shuddered as his cock pulsed, filling Jim with slick heat, his mind shutting out everything but the smell of sweat and the sound of his own breathing. Jim’s teeth clamped down on his fingers as his own orgasm overtook him, and Bones realized with a start that Jim had come without either of them touching his cock.
“Fuck, Jim.”
“I know. Fuck. That was, like, a whole new level of hotness. God. Yeah. We’re doing that again.”
“What, right now?”
“Hell no.” Jim groaned as he rolled off of him, stumbling a little as he pulled up his pants and sank back onto the swing. He ran through a hand through his sweat-damp hair, tipped his head back, and grinned. “Sweet Christ. Have I mentioned that I love this house?”


They lay on their sides, spooning sleepily on the porch swing as it swayed slowly in the warm breeze.
“Love you so much it hurts, Jim.”
“Mmm. Sure that’s not the bruises you’ve got from fucking me on a porch swing?”
“Could be. We’re gonna pay for this in the morning, aren’t we?”
“Yup.”
“Worth it?”
“Way worth it.”


“Hey, Bones?”
“Mm-hmm?”
“Your mom was right.”
“’Bout what?”
“You are my moon and stars.”

***

Bones was sitting on the porch swing, lost in thought, when he heard the crunch of tires on gravel and looked up to see an unfamiliar car pulling into the driveway. He raised an eyebrow at the sight of Jim grinning at him from the driver’s seat of a red convertible.
“Hey Bones!”
“Jim…do I even want to know?” He stood up and leaned against a porch column with his arms crossed.
“Bones, I hope you don’t mind cutting your visit with your mama short by a few days.”
“And why is that?”
“Because our next stop on the tour is San Francisco.”
“And?”
“And I don’t want to get thrown up on. So….road trip!”
“A road trip.”
“Yep! Just you, me, and the open road, baby! How does that sound?”
“Quite frankly, that sounds like a recipe for disaster.”
“Hey! You love me!”
“I love you, I do, but I just had this sudden image of just how many ways you’re capable of annoying me.”
“Shut up! Come on! It’ll be so fun! We’ll stop at every greasy diner along the way. We’ll drink terrible coffee and stay at terrible hotels and have long conversations with waitresses named Myrtle.”
“That actually sounds pretty good. Keep going.”
“We’ll see the Grand Canyon and the World’s Biggest Ball of Twine, and we’ll turn up the radio and sing along at the top of our lungs!”
“You had me up until the singing. No singing, Jim.”
“You can’t have a roadtrip without singing!”
“I beg to differ. I successfully drove myself from Georgia to Iowa without singing once.”
“No!”
“Okay, well, I might have hummed.”
“Ah HA! Well, you’re with Jim Kirk now, baby, and there’s going to be singing. And road head.”
“Road head?”
“Road head.”
Bones took the steps down off the porch at a run and hopped over the door into the passenger’s seat. He looked at Jim with a smile and wink. “Ready when you are.”

Comments

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linelenagain
Mar. 6th, 2010 05:25 pm (UTC)
I HAVE NOT EVEN READ THIS YET, BUT I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT AS SOON AS I SAW THE TITLE, I THREW MY ARMS UP IN A GIANT VICTORY V!

I AM GOING TO READ IT NOW!
linelenagain
Mar. 6th, 2010 06:28 pm (UTC)
Okay, I have now read this in its entirety. To start, here are my notes (yes, I took notes. I am lame):

“Bones, that is completely and totally not true. You seriously need to stop watching science fiction movies.” <-- Loved it.

I ALWAYS WONDERED WHERE BONES WAS THAT DAY!! OMG!!!!! I THOUGHT I'D NEVER KNOOOOOOOOOOOW.

“Yes, I am. It’s in my bag. I’ll show you.” - HILARIOUS

What Bones said to his mom - I melted!!

OMG ROAD TRIP! PLEASE WRITE THAT!!! WILL BONES FINALLY EAT A CORN DOG?


*ahem* So yes. I LOVE THIS FIC, BB, I LOVE IT FOREVER! It was amazing and sweet and sexy and hilarious and omg I loved it soooooooooooooo much. I have to go do a tiny happy dance now, but I'll bbl to read it again. <3
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 02:48 pm (UTC)
YAAAAAAAAY!!! Ha ha, I knew you'd be excited :-D I have to say, your encouraging comments definitely pressured inspired me to finish this installment, so thanks!!!!! :-) And I'm so glad you did like it, it's been so long and I could only hope that it lived up to the standards of the first two.

Don't feel lame about taking notes! I take notes on fic all the time to leave comments so i LOVE that you did that for me :-D thanks for tell me all the parts that you loved.

ROAD TRIP - well yes, i set myself up for writing another one with that, didn't i? as long as you don't mind potentially waiting another three months, there will be more :-) and i had totally forgotten about the corndog and now i have all these ideas in my mind, so yes, i will guess that the next installment might feature an appearance by the corndog ;-)

THANKS!!!!!!
linelenagain
Mar. 7th, 2010 02:59 pm (UTC)
Wooo!!! Yay for peer pressure! Seriously, excited is not even the word - there was a dance. I'm not too proud to admit that. (I wish I was though.)

And yes, bb, it was JUST as amazing as the first two. And I will GLADLY (okay, not gladly. Gladly is a sort of lie. I will IMPATIENTLY yet WILLINGLY) wait another three months, or however long it takes, because I hope this series goes on forever.

Thank yooooouuuuuuu!
canis_takahari
Mar. 6th, 2010 05:26 pm (UTC)
Oh man, this is adorable, and the level of insightful, sweet, ridiculous banter you've reached is just -- indescribable. I fucking love this fic. ♥
therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 02:50 pm (UTC)
thanks :-) i fucking love this comment :-D
oh_rattlesnake
Mar. 6th, 2010 06:23 pm (UTC)
I have no clue how I missed the first two parts of this, but I just sat here and read all three parts at once. Loved them all so much!

I really adore your Jim and all his little quirks. :)
therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 02:51 pm (UTC)
oh yay, i'm glad you discovered it now and enjoyed it :-D thanks and yeah, i kinda love jim in this, too :-)
re_white
Mar. 6th, 2010 06:42 pm (UTC)
God, I love this AU. Sweet, hot and hilarious by turns and every time it shows up on my flist I cheer. *g*
therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 02:52 pm (UTC)
thanks so much :-D
captain_fine
Mar. 6th, 2010 06:54 pm (UTC)
YAY!!!! *massive flailing commences*

The banter is AMAZING! ILU for writing this!
therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 02:53 pm (UTC)
Wheeeee!! thanks so much, i'm glad the banter continues to please :-D
wicked_jade
Mar. 6th, 2010 07:06 pm (UTC)
*chants* Road trip! Road trip!

Do it, do it, pretty please say you'll write that? A Jim/Bones road trip would be the best thing ever. Even better than the image of Bones getting trashed and watching Judge Judy. :D

I read the first two parts of this a month or so ago, and it made my day seeing this on my flist this morning. This is one of my favorite series ever, AU or not. The banter is hilarious, and the boys are so sweet and all-around awesome.

therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 02:55 pm (UTC)
thanks so much, i'm so glad you've enjoyed the series!!! and yes, i kind of set myself up for a sequel there, didn't i? i think it would be cruel to leave it hanging like that! i have to tackle my backlog of unfinished fic first, but, as always, i will come back to this :-D
katmarajade
Mar. 6th, 2010 08:09 pm (UTC)
What a fun series. For a fic written almost totally in dialogue it flows really well! Most impressive. You've got really great, consistent voices for both characters. I loved Chapel as the secretary and the fateful and strange progression of their relationship and how, even at the end, I'm not quite positive whether Kirk is altogether sane. And I love their reverse role therapy role plays and Kirk's awesome description of their roadtrip.

But, as a flight attendant, can I just say that I laughed at the mile high club scene? People make it out to be so hot, but it's so cramped and so gross in there! I do not understand the appeal. (Plus, I'm the one who has to clean up after the horny buggers when they trash the lav mid-flight.) But I liked the rest of the airplane stuff and Kirk comandeering all the pillows and blankets. I had such fun reading this. And do you work airline stuff into all your AUs, cuz I kinda love it! hehe!
therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 02:58 pm (UTC)
thanks for this comment!! i'm so glad you've enjoyed the series! i'm glad you feel that it flows well and that the characters are consistent (i thought and hoped they were but it's nice to hear that from other people!)

as for whether kirk is sane, i'll leave that up to the readers' imaginations... :-D

this is only the second fic that's had airline references, so you've just happened to read them both! and i figured kirk wouldn't let the chance for mile high sex go by and i couldn't resist the chance to write it. isn't the whole point of fic to write about things we can't do in reality... ?
roseandheather
Mar. 6th, 2010 08:13 pm (UTC)
Oh. My. Mother. Fucking. God.

This is... it's a whole new level of NNNNNNNNNNGH.

I mean, damn. I thought it couldn't get any better the last time, and here you are throwing out lines like "You are my moon and stars" and I'm sitting here whimpering like a child and reaching for chocolate. Oh, god, you just make them so goddamn real...
therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 07:57 pm (UTC)
thanks so much for this awesome comment. i'm so glad you liked this one, even if it did make you reach for the chocolate ;-) it's hard to know how the story comes across to others after i've reread it so many times, so i'm glad to hear it comes across as real and makes you feel emooooootions ;-)

ps - no marriage proposal in this comment? oh wait, is that because we're already married....?
roseandheather
Mar. 7th, 2010 08:08 pm (UTC)
Well, unless you feel like renewing our vows...

Because I would so totally do that after this. ;) *is a total ficslut*

Or, since we're already married, can I just ravish you over the kitchen table instead?

Yeah, I like that one.

I can has moar therapy!au???
therumjournals
Mar. 9th, 2010 02:06 am (UTC)
I can has moar therapy!au???

you know it, bb! as long as you don't mind waiting... :-D
roseandheather
Mar. 20th, 2010 04:06 pm (UTC)
Do you have any idea how long I waited for you to marry me? I am totally capable of waiting. ;)
siluria
Mar. 6th, 2010 08:36 pm (UTC)
I love every word of this - the dialogue is priceless and perfect and I want to read it all over again! *memes*
therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 07:57 pm (UTC)
thanks so so much!! i hope you enjoy it over and over again :-D
lizzie_marie_23
Mar. 7th, 2010 01:44 am (UTC)
I love this so much! It's really hot, but what struck me the most was how very mean you are to the two of them. I cried when Bones explained about his dad, I'll have you know. And then Jim's story fit really well into the present-day universe you created for him. I love the part about him being emo and rebellious.

And, you know, the sex is awesome.

Also, ROAD TRIP!!! This is a very good idea, and I'm excited to see it.
therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 08:00 pm (UTC)
oh no! i don't mean to be mean to them! i'm not trying to! i gave them each other, didn't i? ;-) well, i guess if it made you feel for them, then the story works. but i'm glad you thought jim's story fit too.

and thanks for letting me know that the sex is hot :-)

road trip! you will see it! eventually...
misplaced_exile
Mar. 7th, 2010 08:34 am (UTC)
ACK! I adored the first two installments of this series (as in, read over and over and over again) and am sooooo pleased that there is more! (I never really thought there would be, so it's such a nice surprise!). I really hope there will be more after this?! *bats eyelashes*
therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 08:01 pm (UTC)
thanks so much, i'm glad you liked the first two so much and i hope this one lived up to the pressure ;-) i think there will eventually be more, but this one took three months so...don't hold your breath, i guess ;-D
weepingnaiad
Mar. 7th, 2010 09:41 am (UTC)
This was equal parts laugh out loud hilarious, wonderfully touching, and sexy.

I love their banter! It's just fabulous. And then you go and throw in their back stories, making me wibble for them, but handle it so well that the ache passes swiftly. I adored how Bones' mom described Jim and what Bones said to her.

Lovely!
therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 08:02 pm (UTC)
thank you thank you! so glad you enjoyed the banter and bones' conversation with his mom (that was one of the first parts i wrote, actually).
stormatdusk
Mar. 7th, 2010 06:27 pm (UTC)
“I’m going to Charlotte, and I’m bringing anal lubricant. What? Why are you hitting your head against the window like that?”

i happily used this post as an excuse to reread the series, and oh, the grins. i thoroughly enjoyed myself, from corn dogs to candy corn. thank you so much.
therumjournals
Mar. 7th, 2010 08:03 pm (UTC)
thanks :-D i want to go read the whole thing in one go now, but i'm not sure i have that kind of time ;-) anyway, i'm glad you continue to enjoy it and i love the "corn dogs to candy corn" comment!
noli_irritare
Mar. 7th, 2010 10:45 pm (UTC)
This was such a wonderful way to spend my Sunday (yes mom, I'm doing homework!) BUT ANYWAY. Your AU is wonderful, they are so in character it's a little bit frightening. :)

Your brain, ize can be subscribing to it?
therumjournals
Mar. 9th, 2010 02:05 am (UTC)
thanks :-D so glad i wasted monopolized your whole afternoon and thanks for the nice comment.

everything that enters my brain re: star trek ends up on this journal, so yes, you are welcome to it, ha ha :-D
january_snow
Aug. 1st, 2010 12:03 am (UTC)
brilliant series.

hilarity, with a side of heat and feeling.
therumjournals
Aug. 1st, 2010 01:50 pm (UTC)
thank you so much. this is still one of my favorite things i've written, so i'm glad people are still discovering and enjoying it. thanks for commenting!
ageofalejandro
Mar. 13th, 2011 11:30 pm (UTC)
I really, really should be studying for a midterm tomorrow and writing the three papers that are _also_ due tomorrow, but cute and sexy fluff overcame my defenses. :D Love it!
therumjournals
Mar. 14th, 2011 11:59 am (UTC)
yay! thank you so much for reading and commenting, i'm so glad you enjoyed this! though i do hope you got your work done!!
ageofalejandro
Mar. 14th, 2011 04:46 pm (UTC)
:D Didn't, but that's ok. STILL HAS SOME TIEEEM.
treksnoopy
Apr. 1st, 2011 04:18 am (UTC)
Hey darlin'!
I just read all three of these tonight and they are fucking brilliant! My stomach hurts from trying not to laugh too loud and wake up the whole house!
I hope there are plans to write the road trip!
*hugs*
therumjournals
Apr. 1st, 2011 11:27 am (UTC)
yay!!!! thank you so much, i'm glad you liked them!!! there are vague plans to write the road trip. Those plans...and some actual words on paper...have existed for over a year now) But I still say it will happen someday, and comments like this help x1000000! :-D
sangueuk
Jun. 22nd, 2011 05:57 am (UTC)
I am a bad and evil person because somehow I missed this last part. I treated myself to a re-read (not a hardship ;D) because I saw you'd posted on the author spotlight (I'll comment later!) and decided this must be my bedtime story, then - I realised I hadn't read this last part. OMFG - WHAT A TREAT! WHAT BRILLIANCE! This is the most heart-achingly FUCKING BRILLIANT story. I loved the banter so fucking much, the way they kept telling each other they loved each other, charming!Bones, annoying!Jim, just FUCKING EVERYTHING - you are a genius of banter, my darling, and the sex was sooooo hot (and this is becoming a very long sentence). *squishes you too hard* Bookmarked as feel-good-hotness to re-read for ever!
therumjournals
Jun. 22nd, 2011 11:38 am (UTC)
yay! don't you just love it when that happens?! i really do love this 'verse, too, and i'm so glad found and enjoyed this last part! and thanks for taking the time to leave an awesome, happy-making comment!
drjamband
Jul. 29th, 2013 08:02 pm (UTC)
yesssssss! you know i love everything you write. just read all three of these. i laughed so much at the banter and i loved how they really grew with each other.
therumjournals
Jul. 30th, 2013 02:21 am (UTC)
aww, thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed the series, and thanks for commenting!!
( 44 have an accord — Open a channel )

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drinking zach!!!!
therumjournals
drinking rum and writing some

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